


Everlasting.

by aristocraticpapyrus



Category: Sonic X, Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Death, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Shadow the Hedgehog is Soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24148432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aristocraticpapyrus/pseuds/aristocraticpapyrus
Summary: Immortality.Something people could only dream of. It was a mere fantasy but not to Shadow. To Shadow, immortality was his reality. A reality that he never wanted to share until Sonic asked if he wanted to be together. It was a burden on his shoulders and now was the time to tell him.“O-Oh, you’re...gonna live forever” and the unspoken thought.I will not.
Relationships: Maria Robotnik & Shadow the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 7
Kudos: 125





	Everlasting.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm baaaack. Kudos/comments are always appreciated! This is my first proper oneshot for the Sonadow community. I have hopes to write more and plan on writing some Silver and Blaze content so if you like what you read please let me know! 
> 
> I feel I should mention that this fic does talk about death and the prospect of leaving loved ones behind. I felt it was something that Shadow would eventually open up about to his friends and wanted to put a Sonadow twist on it. I hope you enjoy!

Infinity - 

> _the state or quality of being infinite._
> 
> _to mean without end._
> 
> _unmeasurable, unquantifiable._
> 
> _to go to the moon and back._
> 
> **_exempt from death._ **

“Sonic, what I wanted...needed to tell you is that when they created me they had the aim of immortality in their mind. They succeeded, meaning that, - a slight hesitation -, I am immortal.”

At first, it was easy to process. The initial thought was one of joy. Who wouldn’t want to live forever? It was cool to Sonic. The famous free-spirited boy would probably do anything to run and live free, forever.

The thing was though, it wasn’t like he had ever considered anything different. Sonic didn’t fear a lot of things. Water being the main one, and maybe clowns, but really he wasn’t afraid of anything. A part of him though, a small part was afraid of everything just stopping. Death.

He risked his life nearly all the time, fighting for justice and for what was right. It didn’t matter the cost because, in the end, Sonic enjoyed it. The rush, the thrill. It was what he loved. It could come to an end in the split of a second but Sonic didn’t pay it any heed. He thought on the ground, always moving and never dwelling. 

He knew how hard it had been for Shadow though. To feel like you were stuck, taking one step forward and then two steps back. He didn’t think like Shadow though.

Why did Sonic need to worry? He was Sonic the hedgehog! He was gonna live forever, be the hero of Mobius for as long as they needed him to be. The fun never stopped with him. He was always on the go and never considered the end. He was raised to think positively, he had had no real choice. The world had decided there needed to be a hero and he took the mantle. 

So, that was why Sonic’s face had initially broken into a grin. It was everything anyone could have dreamed off. It was everything Sonic could have ever needed. What would happen to the world once he was gone? He wouldn’t need to worry if he could promise the people he would be there for them, forever. 

“You’re gonna live forever, Shadow! That’s so...awesome!”

Shadow didn’t seem thrilled by it though. The black hedgehog’s brow was firmly set, eyes not wavering but showing a deep emotion. He had said it so quietly, not unusual for Shadow but there was no edge. There had been no bitterness or anger. If Sonic knew Shadow well, which he liked to think he did at this point, he would have said Shadow almost sounded scared. 

Shadow had managed to portray one single message to Sonic without saying a word. 

_ Please, take this seriously. _

So, something was wrong. Why was Shadow so upset about telling him this? Shadow had chalked it up to being some awful secret. His newly appointed boyfriend had struggled to become acquainted with the idea of being in a relationship. Sonic could tell he was trying, but there had been something the other hedgehog had been hiding.

They had been together for a little while now, starting to get used to each other’s company in the way most couples did. It helped that they were almost surrounded by them. Maybe that was the problem though.

Silver and Blaze were as happy as two lovesick puppies, their relationship subtle but nonetheless strong. Knuckles and Rouge were a bit rocky but they always found their way back to each other. Tails and Cosmo were honestly adorable in Sonic’s eyes and dare Sonic could say that Jet and Wave were a cute couple. They were surrounded by examples. Maybe Shadow didn’t feel like he lived up to the standard. 

They had grown closer, from no longer ignoring the chance glances to purposefully seeking out hand touches. They spoke more often and not just about Eggman. It had been a slow process to warm Shadow up to the idea of a relationship but now that they were there, Sonic had almost forgotten to ask Shadow how he was dealing with it. Everything had just seemed so perfect after all. It was perfect but it didn’t mean that Shadow was without his clear doubts.

It always felt that Shadow had something to hide, something he wanted to say but never did. Whether it was unspoken emotions behind clenched fists when at friendly get-togethers or the times where Shadow would be looking at him like he was seeing someone else. Shadow had something on his mind.

He’d been hiding the fact that he was immortal, that he was going to live forever and that it deeply troubled him. 

Shadow had said it so solemnly like his heart had broken just with the words. For Shadow, it was like the cracks in his heart coming undone again. After working hard at picking up the shattered pieces, the walls were creaking and giving way.

Shadow was begging him in that one moment, begging him to understand. He needed Sonic to be there for him more than any time before now but he didn’t know how to ask. Shadow had just hoped that his eyes were pleading enough to get the message across.

Sonic’s smile faltered, his laugh cutting short at the other’s look. Immortality...living forever...it was a fantasy for him but not for Shadow. He knew Shadow was cool but immortality felt like another level. It was impossible, but then again Shadow shouldn’t have been possible. He continuously surprised them, this was just another hurdle.

Why did Shadow look like he was struggling to breathe?

Then it hit him. It hit him like a freight train. Sonic could feel the dropping of his heart into his stomach. His ears folded back over his head slowly at the realisation. He was suddenly thankful that Shadow had asked him to sit down on their bed. 

“O-Oh, you’re...gonna live forever” and the unspoken thought. 

_ I will not _ .

Sonic wasn’t one for deep emotions. Sure, he could talk about passion, love, desire and freedom for hours. When it came to real feelings though, insecurity, loss, fear, worry, and responsibility; he faltered and shoved it away. He had never been one for heart to hearts but sometimes Shadow needed that. 

Shadow had been doing nothing but feeling these emotions for years, maybe it was for a good reason. He knew that Shadow was closed off from most people because of his past. Tails called it trauma. Espio said something about PTSD. Sonic didn’t know the medical terms. He just knew that sometimes Shadow needed help to make sense of things. He was there for him, this time would be no different. 

The look on Shadow’s face as Sonic pieced the puzzle together spoke volumes. A normally furrowed brow loose in worry, narrowed eyes wide with unshed tears and firm jaw wobbling.

Oh gosh, was Shadow going to cry?

Shadow could only nod his head slowly at Sonic’s words.

Wow, Shadow was going to live forever. He could certainly get a lot done in that time. Why he had all the time in the world! Sonic believed the same, he had all the time in the world. Time struggled to keep up with him! Sonic wasn’t smart enough to understand the logistics but he could guess that Shadow’s biological makeup meant that in theory, he would never age. 

However, even Sonic can’t escape the inevitable. 

Even with the higher ratios of chaos energy flowing through his veins, he wouldn’t live forever. He would probably live longer than the average Mobian. The running would pay off and Chaos would be in his favour. Someday though, he would stop. He would slow down. His knees would buckle under him and he would have to reach a point where he would be content to just stop.

Shadow? He wouldn’t change. He could run forever, he would never tire. He would never buckle and he would never have to slow down. Unless by force, Shadow would remain like he is. Effortlessly existing. He was the perfect being, designed to live on when others couldn’t. He would be ever-present in their lives, watching. Waiting...

Sonic could understand. One day, it would all stop for Shadow because  _ everyone  _ will have stopped. Sonic was smart and wise enough to understand why this was such a heavy burden for Shadow.

Shadow could make all of these memories but in the end, he wouldn’t die with them.

“Oh...god. You’re gonna have so much time on your hands. Literally, all the time you could possibly want. I-I...my head hurts just thinking about the endless possibilities you’ll have…”

Sonic knew he was stalling, making a joke. Trying to see the bright side when in reality, this was serious. It was all Sonic knew. He was the happy guy, always cracking jokes and keeping morale up. What did Shadow expect? For him to break down and cry?

“Sonic...I don’t want all of the time! Can’t you understand? There...there is a simplicity to dying. A feeling of accomplishment. A feeling that I could never hope to have.”

Shadow had hoped this would be easy for the other to understand. He didn’t want to have to spell it out. He didn’t want to relive the pain. He didn’t want to explain why he didn’t want to live forever. If he could choose, he would be normal like the rest of his friends. He would trade being the ultimate life form for a normal life any day. Now that he remembered how it felt to be loved and love in return.

Shadow should have known better. He didn’t like to avoid talking with Sonic but this was why he did. In fear that the other wouldn’t understand his pain. No one had ever understood him as Sonic did. He had held hopes that Sonic would prove to him again why he felt he could trust the blue hedgehog. 

Sonic gulped, his throat bobbing slowly. There was a lump there, stiff and feeling like a stone. He was going to die before Shadow. He was going to…age while Shadow wouldn’t. He would have to slow down and Shadow would have to slow down for him. 

Somewhere along the lines, if all goes well, Sonic will feel time catching up with him whereas Shadow will still be outrunning it.

All Sonic could do was hold his hand out slowly, touching the darker mussel of his boyfriend. Shadow would remain beautiful, like a painting. Sonic couldn’t care less about how he looked when he was older. What he did care about though was the idea of leaving Shadow...alone.  Sure, Shadow had friends but he liked to think he was special to Shadow. Sonic liked to imagine that Shadow trusted him. If Sonic were to suddenly die, Shadow would miss him. Shadow was going to miss him when he would eventually die. 

Shadow leaned into the warm touch instantly, feeling the warmth and companionship from the simple gesture. His crimson eyes looked soft as he peered into emerald ones. Looking for a sign. He could see the recognition.

It was hurting more than he’d anticipated. 

“You’re gonna look like this forever, huh? Beautiful and without a quill out of place. Me? I...I like to think I’ll grow into my looks” Sonic smirked, a wobbly movement.

Sonic didn’t want to address the topic any more than Shadow did. The fact that this was why Shadow had taken so long to warm up to him, to anyone, suddenly made things make sense.

Sonic had assumed it was all about Maria. Of course, Maria was at the centre. A focal point for Shadow, it was where everything began. A young girl he watched grow up for a little while. He knew that Maria had been like an older sister, the only source of love and companionship that Shadow had when he was nothing more than the government’s plaything. Sonic knew the story of how Shadow had tried to save her only for the girl to sacrifice herself so Shadow could be safe.

_ Promise me, Shadow. Promise me that you will give them a chance and be happy. Help them, Shadow. Please... _

Shadow had clearly just been scared of feeling the same way ever again. He had locked himself up from people, only starting to come undone once he remembered what he was fighting for. Who he was doing this all for.

So, what did it mean for Sonic?

Shadow managed to crack a small smile.

“I have no doubt that you will …” 

To Sonic, it didn’t really mean a whole lot. It was something else to brag about. My boyfriend is immortal, how about that! What else was there to think about? To possibly consider?

There was no other option for him. This wasn’t going to change anything. It didn’t change how Sonic felt for him. It didn’t put him off of the other in the slightest. If anything, it made him want to hold on tighter. There was no room for Sonic to imagine anything less than utter adoration. Shadow trusted him enough to tell him this. There was no doubt that this hurt but in the long run, Sonic didn’t care. 

Sonic stroked the mussel that was now becoming wet with tears. Soft, quiet and practised. Shadow was an expert at crying quietly. Sonic knew it was because of the time Shadow spent on the ARK as well as learning how to conceal his emotions from others. 

_ What are those? Tears? Why is it crying? What did you do? It’s not supposed to cry! Make it stop! _

“Why were you so scared to tell me?” Sonic asked.

It looked like a million thoughts travelled through Shadow’s mind. He had so many answers in the form of memories. He was scared for Sonic’s reaction, for the heartbreak, for the reenactment of that moment. He didn’t want to lose Sonic.

“Why? I...Sonic” Shadow took the hand away from his face, holding it in his own. Shadow held the hand with both of his, keeping it on his lap as he looked down. Sonic could feel the tremors coming from the other. The gloved fingers raked over the top of his hand. Sharp claws underneath dragging along gently. Shadow seemed to like holding hands. Sonic wondered if there was a meaning behind it. 

_ Here! Hold my hand and it’ll be easy! Grandpa says it’s just a little pinch. Nothing like those awful men do to you. It’ll make you feel better in no time! _

“Isn’t it obvious? Sonic, you will die before me. In theory, I’ll...I’ll never die. I know that to you, that must sound cool but to me…” -  _ It’s a living purgatory. At least you make it feel worthwhile but what will I do once you’re gone? Please...don’t leave. _

It took all of Shadow’s energy to not start breaking down into angry tears. He was angry. He was always angry deep down. Wronged, manipulated, tortured. His emotions had been toyed with. He had been nothing more than a lab experiment in the most important time of his life. His first experiences of the world, of humans, was pain, synthetic smells and fear. Humans would even go so far as to kill their own kind for a selfish goal. They took away what mattered to him most. Hope, vanquished in a second. Shadow knew that he would never be able to rid himself of the anger but being around people like Sonic allowed him to feel stronger emotions, like happiness and love.

In the end, though, was he still just some lab experiment gone deadly wrong?

_ No, Shadow! Don’t say that! You’re my best friend! I...I couldn’t ask for a better person to be here with! You’re so much more than what they say! Don’t listen to them. Once we’re on Earth, we’ll be free to do whatever we want. You’ll see! _

His grip tightened around Sonic’s hand. Sonic didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. He could tell there was more to Shadow’s feelings. For once, he kept his mouth shut.

“To me, it’s like accepting that I’ll never truly be part of anything. I will continue to exist while others don’t. I was created with the sole purpose of bringing humans together. If I could live forever then I would be proof that humans could follow me. I could make as many friends as I like, make as many connections as I can, fight for as long as they needed me….”

Shadow chose that moment to look to Sonic through red-rimmed eyes.

“Love you for as long as it took, but in the end, I will end up having to watch everyone I care about die. It’s already...happened once. She could have been saved but Sonic, I can’t prevent old age!”

Sonic knew this was clearly extremely important for Shadow to bring Maria into this. He knew how much she had meant to him, how much he had looked up to her. It made sense now, why Shadow was so scared. Sonic’s eyes had widened at the mention of love. They hadn’t reached that point yet, or at least he thought they hadn’t. 

Still, though, he felt like Shadow was missing the bigger picture. He could understand why Shadow was focused on the past, thinking that everything would repeat itself. 

Of course, it stung. There was no doubt that this was sudden and almost heartbreaking. Sonic would never undermine Shadow’s feelings. The thought of dying and leaving Shadow alone wasn’t a pleasant one. It made his chest tighten with sudden fear, a fear that he thought he had long pushed down. Fear of the unknown, the eternal abyss, death. Shadow wanted to experience it someday, preferably by his side. He wouldn’t though...not conventionally. 

Still, did Shadow think that he was invincible?

“Shadow, as of right now, you have an equal chance of dying that I do! Who’s to say that you won’t be taken from me in a fatal work accident tomorrow? Or...or who’s to say that my next fight with Egghead will end up as another victory? I know that that is actually unlikely but my point stands.”

Sonic took his hands and held Shadow’s face in them. The other wanted to scour away, embarrassment on his face and mussel drying with tears. Sonic didn’t care. He needed Shadow to understand. 

“So what if I grow old and you don’t? It’s not gonna change anything. It won’t change how I feel about you. Shadow, listen to me. It’s inevitable, you know? Eventually, every couple grows old and I guess there is always someone who has to watch the other die. Who’s to say that you won’t get sick and I’ll have to watch you die? As long as you’re with me -“

Sonic leaned forward and pressed soft kisses over the mussel, feeling the other’s eyelashes softly tickle his skin.

“Then I’ll feel like I’ve taken on the world and more. I don’t want to ask you to stay with me if you think it will hurt too much but, there is no one I’d rather see me pee my pants as an old man. I wanna grow old with you, Shadow. Even if that means you stay the way you are. It’ll be like...you’re my own personal work of art.”

Shadow raised a brow. His heart had sped up at the soft kisses, feeling the need to run away but wanting to succumb to the feeling. He knew that Sonic was right in his words. Statistically speaking, Sonic had an equal chance of dying by non-natural causes that Shadow did. Possibly an even higher chance. He just needed to know. He needed to know if Sonic was okay with this. The reassurance had been what he was seeking and he should have known that he would get it. 

“Art doesn’t age, right? It stays beautiful forever. If you’re happy staying with me until the end, then that’s all I could ask for. I understand that you’ll miss me once I’m gone but, remember that I’ll never truly be gone. Chaos stays with us after all.”

Of course, Sonic made sense. Shadow wasn’t stupid. It was a question of whether he could do it. Whether he would be strong enough to go on. If Shadow was honest, there was no one he wanted to spend eternity with more than Sonic. Eternity didn’t need to last a lifetime though. If need be, he would create his own demise. Sonic wouldn’t need to know.

In the end, he couldn’t predict the future. He had asked Silver who had politely declined to offer information on the topic. Something about not wishing to divulge on what he would just have to wait and find out.

Shadow was just worried about the future.

_ I know that look, Mister! You’re stressing about the next appointment. Listen, you know you can’t control the future. I know you’ll do great, they’re always so impressed with you! I know I am. _

**_A head ruffle._ **

_ Stop worrying about things you can’t control. Enjoy life as it is right now. The future will be here before you know it and trust me, I know it’s gonna be beautiful. Just think about all the things we’ll be able to do once we’re on Earth! _

**_A hug._ **

_ You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Why worry about things that might not even happen? There is no sense in freaking out about what you can’t control. Just learn to go with the flow and dream a little! You can worry about you know what when it happens. For now though… _

**_She would turn her face towards the stars._ **

Just enjoy this view with me.

Shadow couldn’t help but smile. Sonic had never reminded him of Maria more than now. He had her optimism, her endless praise and sense of adventure. She had wanted to leave the ARK. She had plans of going ice skating, eating ice cream and watching movies. She was braver than he was, staying strong even when she was sick. Maria knew she was going to have a limited lifespan. Despite that, she smiled all the time. Even in the end, in her final moments. She had smiled at him. She was able to tell him she loved him, that she wanted him to promise her to give this world a chance.

_ Shadow, be friends with them. I’m sure you will like it there. I only wish that I could go along with you. _

Shadow needed to enjoy the time they had now. Worry about the end once they reached it. Maria saved him with her last, dying breath. He could only be with Sonic now because of her. He owed it to her memory to enjoy the time they had together, and to not worry. 

“You’re right,” Shadow whispered, leaning forward to press their foreheads together. With a soft thud, it was almost like they could think the exact same thing. It was a simple touch but something Shadow seemed to do a lot. Sonic could feel the shaky but steady breath on his mussel. 

“Just enjoy life, Shadow. We can worry about the big stuff when it happens.”

Shadow feels warm arms wrap around his torso, pulling him closer until he was flush up against soft fur and nuzzled his face into the other’s shoulder. Sonic wasn’t going anywhere and neither was Shadow. He would gladly just sit here, held by strong arms that reminded him of a time long gone. A time that still existed in him but had made way for something even more beautiful. 

Sonic was hardly a replacement. Sure, he reminded him of her but Sonic was so much more. He didn’t fill a gap or patch up a hole. He had made his own impression, helping Shadow to mould himself around what was missing. He could never ask for more but Sonic kept providing and surprising. He was more than Shadow felt he deserved but he wasn’t going to complain or refuse the help this time. 

“This was rather depressing but thanks, Shadow. Thank you for opening up to me. Now, how’s about we go make some food? I’ve gotten pretty hungry and I think Amy is coming over tonight.”

Shadow peered up at Sonic through soft eyes, smiling softly.

“Sure, I’d like that.”

If Maria wanted him to enjoy the view, then he would. After all, Sonic was a rather pleasing sight.

  
  
.・゜゜・ the end ・゜゜・．  



End file.
